the lake again & on my mind (a mother's intuition)

Another trip to the lake, with some huckleberry picking this time. It may have been our last swim of the season. We'll see. The water felt so much colder this time. After we'd been swimming and then picking berries for awhile, we discovered a sandy beach area. Bracken wanted to dip his toes in the lake one last time and had so much fun splashing around. We didn't bother getting his life vest back on and all his swimming stuff since he said he just wanted to get his feet wet.

There have been other things on my mind and I've been waiting till the right time to write about them here. Actually I wasn't sure if I'd write about it at all. I wanted to let my emotions calm down a bit first. I don't like to spread fear and get people's emotions worked up. But I also like to be honest and write about how I'm feeling and what I'm experiencing. I know I appreciate other people's honesty and when we share our truth we can all help each other so much. If what I write here can help someone reading this, than that is why I'm writing it.

Jeff went to the market by himself today while Bracken and I stayed home. I posted about the lake and how beautiful the world is last Saturday morning before we left for market. (Ironically, later that day I thought how unsafe the world felt.) That day Bracken ran away from me a few times at the market, feeling pretty comfortable there since we go so often, and thinking it was a very fun game to have mom chase him. I always caught him right away, but it was still unnerving. At the end of the day we had a bizarre and scary experience. We were packing up our market stuff and loading it into the car. Bracken was in between our booth and a neighbor's booth. I had my eye on him and suddenly had a strong mother's intuition when a strange man came up. I won't go into all the details, I just wanted to write about it in general. I acted in time and protected Bracken, scooping him up in my arms. We got out of there and drove home. We were safe. But the whole experience really shook me up. Big time. It was so shocking and unexpected, while Jeff and I were both there and in broad daylight, to feel our safety threatened like that. That night I cried and cried. And then I cried more the next day. Jeff offered to do market by himself this weekend, saying he felt it would be good for Bracken and I to take a weekend off. That was wise. We'll be back again, of course. But we needed to take a step back this weekend to regroup a bit.

I want to protect my child. I want Bracken to feel safe in the world. I don't want to scare him. I want him to grow up feeling that the world is a beautiful place. And it is. But at the same time, the world is not always a safe place and I have been sheltering him from that as much as possible. There have been times in my life when I knew I was in danger. When I was walking to kindergarten from my babysitter's house, with two friends by my side, when a black truck started following us slowly. The three of us all got a very strong impulse to run the rest of the way and arrived at school completely out of breath while we watched the truck reluctantly drive away. We overhead adults talking later about a black truck following children to school around that area. Or the time when my sister and I went on a summer bike ride when we were kids and decided to explore an abandoned building in the woods. As we approached the door, suddenly my instincts said "Get out of here!" and I grabbed my sister's hand we ran back to our bikes as fast as we could. I never had anything confirmed with that one, but I didn't need to because my vibes were loud and clear. Or the time when I held baby Bracken in my arms, getting ready to put him in his car seat, while Jeff started unloading groceries, and two people approached asking us if we would like some candy. As I saw them walk towards us, my inner voice said loud and clear "Danger!" and I was immediately afraid for our safety, knowing their intentions were not good at all. I think other people walked up and they quickly ran away. Doesn't even sound as scary now, but it was the energy of it that was terrifying at the time. There have been times in my life when I've acted on these instincts and there have been times that I haven't. Or acted too late because I was afraid. 

I believe that when we listen to our intuition it can open up miracles in our lives, time and time again. Synchronicity and magic. But sometimes it's not as simple as rearranging our schedule for the day or signing up for a new class. Sometimes it means acting fast. Intuition is essential for keeping ourselves and our loved ones safe. The thing is, though, that it's not always easy to follow. Sometimes our brains will doubt us. Sometimes other people will doubt us. Sometimes a whole bunch of people will think we are totally nuts. But it's so important to listen anyway. And this is what I'm learning. Over and over throughout my life. 

After the learning experience last weekend, it has opened up a new conversation between Jeff and I. How much do we need to shelter Bracken and how much do we need to say to him to keep him safe? After talking a bit with some family and some neighbors, it seems perhaps a healthy amount of fear is a good thing. We've made it very clear to Bracken now that he can't run away from me at market or anywhere, for that matter. Bracken is sweet and innocent and trusting. As all children naturally are. He assumes everyone at market is our friend, but in public places there are people you can't trust. We're working to find our balance in what we say to him and what we don't, as all parents do. After last weekend, I questioned myself a few times: what if I was totally wrong about the situation? But I know deep down that I wasn't. A mother's intuition is a powerful thing. (Don't mean to leave you dad's or anyone else out. Intuition is so important for all of us.) Remember: listen to it, and don't doubt yourself. 

Have there been times that your intuition has protected you from danger and kept you safe? Share your stories below if you feel inspired to do so. I believe when we share our stories with one another, they help us all.

recipe experiments, harvests (and parenting)

I just wrote about cutting back on our food spending, and we have been, but a few weeks ago I decided to try out a decadent recipe. Not super economical, but super delicious. It's the recipe for Chocolate-Avocado Mousse from the Cooking with Coconut Oil Cookbook. It immediately made me think of my sister and I need to share the recipe with her. Truth be told, I'm not a huge chocolate fan (I know, people think that's crazy!) Jeff had been reading about what a superfood chocolate is and decided to get some to experiment with (he made some crazy good treats.) I knew we had some chocolate in the cupboard and some avocados and thought we had all the ingredients for the recipe. Most of you probably would have checked to see that you had all the ingredients before you started making the recipe. But I don't always do that. I dove in only to realize we didn't have everything for the recipe. We probably had a bit less than half of the chocolate that it called for. (That's why mine is such a lighter color above than it shows in the cookbook.) I also tweaked the recipe a bit and left some things out (coffee granules, maple syrup, and vanilla extract.) I figured it was already sweetened with dates so it didn't need any other sweeteners. It turned out really good. I don't think I can claim that it was as delicious as my grandma's homemade chocolate pudding because she has grandma magic that makes everything incredibly delicious, but it was definitely a hit around here. (Plus a yummy treat and healthy ingredients is pretty awesome.) It will be fun to play around with that recipe more in the future. First discovering avocados in smoothies, and now this. I'm loving avocados even more than before.

 I mentioned to Jeff there was a good idea in the Primal Blueprint Quick & Easy Meals Cookbook. It was to puree cauliflower and make it a creamy consistency, similar to mashed potatoes. We had extra cauliflower that week so he steamed it lightly,  put it in the food processor and then made a sauce with homemade bone broth and some homegrown mushrooms. It was so good. I love cauliflower so much that I'm happy to just eat it steamed and not even do much to it, but when you're eating it many days in a row it's fun to change things up a bit.

I saw these wild sardines at the grocery store, saw the price tag (only 2 dollars and something each) and then saw that the cans they come in are BPA free. Awesome! Truth be told, I'm nervous about seafood these days because of mercury contamination, but I also understand how important seafood is for health. Being such a small size, these sardines are not a huge risk for that. And looking at seafood watch, it looks like they are a good choice. Everyone in our family likes these, they are really mild in flavor. They're a good source of calcium for us (here is a post about getting calcium when you're dairy-free) and healthy in so many other ways. (Here's what it says on the back of the package: "Nutritional Powerhouse: Ounce for ounce, Wild Planet sardines provide more calcium and phosphorus than milk, more iron than spinach, more potassium than coconut water and bananas and as much protein as steak. Once can of Wild Planet sardines contains 313mg EPA and 688mg DHA Omega 3 and is an ample source of Vitamin B12, Vitamin D, and selenium. Sardines contain Coenzyme Q10 (CoQ10), a nutrient found in the body's cells and believed to have antioxidant and immune boosting properties. These sardines are considered a Best Choice for Sustainability by a consensus of environmental organizations." See what I mean? Wow. I'm happy to have such an affordable source of protein. Now I just need to make it a habit to eat these regularly because I keep forgetting about them in the cupboard. We ate some today with our lunch and I thought writing about it here would help it stick. Writing things down does that for me oftentimes.

 We traded with our neighbor for more beets. Bracken and I came down one morning to see Jeff cooking a bunch. It made the skins come off easily and then when chopping them up was time consuming, he thought of a great solution. He used a tool for slicing apples. It worked great and saved a lot of time. He is fermenting the beets in a crock, just like we make our sauerkraut. All of our crocks are full right now. Two with sauerkraut and two with beets. We have to wait for our ten gallon crock of kraut to finish before we can make some pickles. So all the cucumbers in our garden are being eaten other ways in the meantime. 

 We also traded our neighbor for a bunch of basil. We grow basil, but never in enough amounts to get a lot all at once. I asked Jeff his vote for pine nuts or sunflower seeds for pesto. He voted for pine nuts. I got some at the store, not really paying much attention to the price, until my total was way more than I was expecting and I went out to the car and looked at the receipt. Yikes! They're spendy. Next time I plan on using sunflower seeds, but I told Jeff that this was a really special batch of pesto! So we'll enjoy it to the fullest. The pine nuts really are delicious. We came home Saturday night from market, exhausted. I put the basil in the fridge and planned on making the pesto on Sunday morning. When I awoke I realized I hadn't soaked the pine nuts overnight, so I soaked them that morning. (Here's a post where I wrote about soaking nuts and seeds.) Jeff suggested sticking the basil in the freezer in the meantime and that's what I did. I made pesto that evening. The basil had changed color just a little bit, but not much. Ideally I would have dried the pine nuts and then made it, but I rinsed them and added some straight to the pesto. I had never made pesto before and used Beatrice's Pesto Your Way for inspiration and as a guide. Our food processor wasn't doing a very good job, but luckily the Vitamix did. I wrote down the recipe I did so I'll know for next time. I blended 5 cups basil, 1 cup pine nuts, 1 cup olive oil, 2 tsp. salt, 2 tbsp. nutritional yeast, and a few cloves garlic. At first I hadn't added enough salt, then I added more and it ended up being a bit too salty. As an afterthought, I wish I would have added a touch of lemon juice. It turned out good, though, and I was happy to get some little jars filled to put in the freezer. (You can't really tell from the picture, but I left some headspace.) By the way, what are your favorite pesto recipes? I'd love to hear!

 I included this picture because something I make multiple times a week is coconut oil treats (as Bracken and I have been calling them.) Bracken and I usually each have one after breakfast. Sometimes he eats another one after lunch and some days he only has one. I like to have at least three of them a day. Sometimes I eat more than that and sometimes I eat less. I measure it out so there is 2 tablespoons of coconut oil in each one. I should add here that when you first start coconut oil, to start slowly. It's so detoxifying and you can have an intense detox reaction. When I was first starting out, I had too much a few different times and got pretty nauseous and sick feeling. But now I've worked my way up slowly over time. These days it seems the more coconut oil I have, the better I feel. And I want to be working my way up even more. I cook with it, eat it in coconut oil treats, add it to smoothies, and more. I should also add that not everyone likes the coconut oil treats. Jeff is one of those people. (If they had more in them he probably would, but these just had a pinch of bee pollen and some frozen blueberries.) The consistency takes some getting used to when it's frozen. I've gotten used to it and I like them because it's a good way to know I'm getting my dose of coconut oil each day.

 Jeff has been drying lots of mint from the garden because he puts it in sun tea nearly every day.

 We've been drying calendula flowers on screens too. (For Magical Healing Salve.)

 As usual, Jeff has been collecting a lot of seed from the garden. These are watercress or arugula.

 Jeff brought in so many greens this week. Some he cooked and froze for the winter.

 Sunny days, cloudy days... nearly every day this week we've harvested zucchini, green beans, and cucumbers. One day Bracken wanted to help me harvest the cucumbers, but they had "pokeys" on them. (My whole life I never knew cucumbers could be pokey until I had a garden, it came as a shock since they were always smooth at the store.) Bracken ran inside to get some socks to put on his hands and I then reminded him that I had gotten him a pair of gardening gloves. They work much better (but his sock hands always did make me smile.) The cucumbers can hide so well and Bracken is so good at spotting them, he helps a lot with finding them.

We'll be getting yellow summer squash soon.

 And something very exciting for all of us... we got a ripe fig this week! A neighbor told us of only two fig varieties that ripen in this area. The kind of fig we have is not one of those varieties. The fig by our front door is huge, it's taller than the first floor. It gets covered in green figs every year, but we watch them grow every year knowing that we won't be able to eat them because they hardly ever ripen. Maybe one a year if we're lucky. Jeff said it could have gotten much more purple than it was, but it felt squishy to me and tasted ripe and delicious to us.

 We've been getting the cutest little pullet eggs this week. I opened the door to one of the nesting boxes to let in some light so I could take a picture of one of the wee eggs all nestled in the straw, it looked so adorable to me. It's good news that we're getting some new layers because we've been going through a lot of eggs each day. Most days we make scrambled eggs and then when we add some yolks to our smoothies in the evenings, it uses them all up. It's nice to have extras for hard boiled eggs, other recipes, and for trading with neighbors.

 And not food related at all, but something that Bracken found and was very excited about this week. He discovered it near our front door and told me that it was a lizard skin (since we see a lizard near there all the time.) I thought it was a snake skin, it never occurred to me that a lizard would shed it's skin until Jeff told me that they do that. Bracken put it on our nature altar, where we like to put many of our nature treasures.

We've been getting our first ripe plums. It seems every single one has a worm in it, but if you cut around the bad part and wash them off, they are delicious and most of the plum is edible. I hope that doesn't gross you out. (That thought occurs to me after I write things sometimes.)

On another note, this week has not been an easy one. Today I intended to write a post filled with food and harvests, but at first I had so many other things on my mind. As I looked at pictures throughout the last few weeks it helped shift my perspective a bit and reminded me of all the good things that have been happening. I needed to be reminded. Bracken's behavior has been a bit challenging lately. I've felt exhausted and frustrated. I've been losing my temper and feeling out of sorts. Sometimes I didn't know whether I wanted to yell or cry. Yesterday he didn't have a nap. The way he acted later showed how much he needs them. (We skip them on most Saturdays, but we do our best not to skip them any more than that.) Honestly, sometimes I get desperate for his naps to happen because it is the only time I get to myself each day. It's not necessarily time to relax and kick back, I use it to get my computer work done and business work done, but it's still time for me to have some quiet to myself and collect my thoughts. I need that time. Most days I wake up at the same time he does, so don't get time to myself in the mornings and we go to sleep at the same time each night so I don't get time to myself then either. (At one point I did try to get time to myself after he fell asleep, but that never worked out. And I don't want to wake up earlier because I feel like I need all the sleep I get these days.) Yesterday my sister called and I did my best Eeyore impersonation saying "if you want to talk to someone chipper and positive, you better call somebody else." We both talked about our annoyances and made each other laugh. Talking to her and my mom on the phone helped immensely. Today went much better. I decided to change things up a bit. (Sometimes I wait until things are really not working before I make a change.) We're making some changes and they seem to be helping. Bracken had a nap upstairs in bed (rather than the couch downstairs like we had been doing) and I worked in the room next to our bedroom. Jeff was able to move freely downstairs between his work room and his shop. Usually he has to stick to one or the other and be quiet until Bracken falls asleep, which can take awhile. He got so much accomplished and was stoked. (It might sound rather obvious and you might wonder why I didn't do this before, but in the past bringing Bracken upstairs always made him wound up that time of day and never resulted in a nap. But I figured enough time had passed to try again. I needed to do something differently.)

Before becoming a parent, if I felt out of sorts, I could take some time to myself to get back in balance. I could go for a walk in nature, write in my journal, or go do some artwork. After becoming a parent, one of the hardest things (after sleep deprivation, that was number one) was not having time alone to myself. I'm a person that needs time alone and some quiet to myself. It's important for my well being. I need the world to stop moving so fast for just a bit. But where do you get that when you are a full time parent? No matter how much you love someone- your child, your spouse, a family member, a friend.... you still need some time to yourself. It's important. I have to tell myself this because there's a part of me that still feels like I should be able to be okay without it. Ideally, Jeff and I would be sharing parenting responsibilities 50/50. But that's not the reality of our life right now. People sometimes assume that since Jeff works from home, that's the way it is. It's not. (Jeff works all the time. He needs to so we can eat, pay our bills, and survive.) Don't get me wrong, Jeff helps in so many ways. I don't want to sound ungrateful. (My heart goes out to single parents because I can't imagine how hard that would be.) When it comes to parenting, though, it's mostly my responsibility most of the time. And sometimes I need a breather to set the re-set button so I can get refreshed and come back with more patience and energy. Sometimes I need to ask for help when it gets to be too much and sometimes Bracken just really needs his dad. So we've started doing "dada time" again. A bit of time each day for just the two of them, where I can get caught up on some other things. And thanks to that I was able to finish this post. I intend to write more soon, but this is already longer than I'd planned. I just wanted to share more with you today than just the recipes and the harvest pictures. I'm writing this because someone out there may be able to relate. Perhaps you're being too hard on yourself, expecting yourself to be a "parenting superstar" and you need a little friendly reminder to take some time to regenerate before you blow up. I think being a parent is the hardest job there is. It's something you do all the time. I feel like it requires more patience than one single person could ever possibly have. Having people to hug you, support you, and make you laugh on the hard days makes all the difference in the world. Being able to take just a little step back every now and then can make you come back with more love, more energy, more patience. You can look at your child and know with all your being that being a parent is absolutely the greatest honor and blessing you could ever imagine.

about gratitude, challenges, and rising up

This post might seem to go all over the place, like I'm jumping around. Bear with me. I have a lot of thoughts on my mind, wanting to bring together the different puzzle pieces I've been thinking about.

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Other people's lives can look so perfect or so much easier than yours in some way, can't they? (The grass is always greener, right?) When you see all they have, or when you read their gratitude lists, or notice what seems to be working so well for them. It's especially easy to think that when you are reading blogs and see daily doses of the happy bits. With this space, I write what I feel inspired to write about. And most of the time that's the things that bring me joy. My intention for this space is to be a place to give you some inspiration for your day. With the limited computer time I get each day (most of it is for work), if I pop by a blog I appreciate getting a daily dose of inspiration too. Especially when I'm feeling discouraged, overwhelmed, stressed or uninspired. I can take a deep breath, enjoy some beautiful pictures, and feel a little more renewed or inspired for my day. I appreciate when people share their joy and I feel like it's a blessing on my day. I also appreciate when people honestly share what's going on behind the scenes and share their struggles, their feelings, where they are at. I can relate to them in their struggles and feel a connection, thinking 'yes, I know just what you mean.' It also is a relief knowing that we are all human and it's okay that I'm not perfect, no one else is either. I think getting a peek into someone's thoughts and feelings is one thing I love about blogs so much. When you meet someone in person, you can get a feeling maybe about what's going on under the surface, but when you read their blog you get to see how they are feeling, what they are thinking, what their dreams are. You really get a peek at what's behind the surface, a glimpse into who they are. When people share the real parts of themselves, that's usually what makes me love them even more. 

I sometimes joke with my mom that she gets to see "Wooly Moss Roots uncensored." She doesn't just see the pretty pictures or the latest creation on the blog. She calls and witnesses the moments when I'm at my wit's end, when I feel frustrated, and out of patience. She listens to my worries and my fears. She gives me encouragement and insight. She helps me when I'm being too hard on myself. Most days when you come to this space, you will see bits and pieces of our life that bring me joy and inspire me. I want to share those things with you in the hope that they will lift you up and brighten your day too. But when you read them, please don't think that's all there is. It's not. There's more behind the scenes that I don't share. It's not that I'm opposed to doing so. I'm pretty much an open book and I talk about most things. It's just that sometimes to write about deeper things requires more time and space than I have the time for. Does that make sense? It's easier to fit a small post and write a few words about something than to take a step back, see the bigger picture, and really delve in and write about it all. There's meals to make, messes to clean, orders to mail out, and life to live. Balancing home, family, and making a living takes most of what I've got. There's not a lot of space leftover for writing the big stuff. (This is all being written during a boy's nap time, which is normally dedicated to work.) And also, I don't like to use this space to complain overly much. I share most of my complaints with my close loved ones and when I feel heard and understood, then I can (hopefully) pass to the laughing stage, feel lighter, and then keep going. When I'm worrying too much and getting too serious, I know it's time for a good dose of humor to lighten things up. I want to keep a higher perspective.

Once a friend asked about the gratitude list I wrote every night before bed. She was wondering about starting one too. She asked me an honest question. "Don't you just write the same things day after day, though?"  Yes. Yes, I do. I write many of the same things day after day. (Which you will likely see when you read my Gratitude Sunday posts for awhile.) Especially when I first started a gratitude journal. But something shifted inside of me after keeping a gratitude journal for awhile. It wasn't that suddenly my life magically had more things to be grateful for, it was that every day I started looking for things to be grateful for. My perspective shifted. When you start looking around you in your everyday life for things to be grateful for, it creates a powerful change. The more grateful you are, the more things come your way to be grateful for. It's beautiful how that works, really. So when I write what I'm grateful for every day, the content may not be very original or even very interesting to anyone else. Most days my lists say things like: "Getting the dishes done" or "Doing two loads of laundry." I want to celebrate the little things I accomplish or do or experience each day. If it's been a particularly hard day, it might be a stretch to come up with 10 things to write on my list easily. The entire list might consist of things like the ones above. Getting a meal made. Making the bed. It was a long hard day. I want to call it a day and start over tomorrow. The end. But sometimes the hard days make me dig deeper to think of things to be grateful for and after writing them out, I realize things weren't as dismal as I felt they were. Most days I actively look for things to be grateful for and writing them down has become second nature. It doesn't really matter what I write, though, or if I've written it before, it just matters that I'm feeling grateful and taking the time to be thankful each day. It's good for my spirit and that's why I do it. It also reminds me of what brings my spirit joy and inspires me to do more of those things. Sometimes on hard days I start focusing too much on everything in my life I don't have. On hard days, like everyone knows, it's much easier to feel sorry for yourself. Keeping that daily ritual of writing what I'm grateful for brings me back to my center and brings my focus back to everything that I do have in my life right now. It reminds me of what is really important in life: love. And that it's not in the having, but in the experiencing. Gratitude strengthens me in hard times. I really believe it helps us rise above our challenges and that gratitude is essential for a joyful life. You won't automatically be happy if you get x,y, or z, but you will have joy in your heart if you are grateful each and every day to be alive and for the beautiful moments and loved ones you are blessed with. 

 I remember a conversation I had with a friend at market one day. He was working really hard to create something in his life, but it seemed no matter how hard he tried, obstacles kept popping up in the way. Hurdles he had to jump through, over and over again. It was really making him question whether he wanted to do it, thinking that if it was so darn hard maybe he wasn't meant to do it at all. But as he talked about his dream, I really felt his spirit coming through and felt absolutely he was meant to do it. At that time I was also wondering a similar thing that he was, so our conversation was very timely. I've always had this idea that if you followed your heart, then everything would work out. One way or another. I had the thought that if you followed your heart everything would flow magically and doors would open and it should just be easy. Right? All the lights would flash green and you'd be happily moving towards your dream. And if all the lights turned red and you saw a stop sign everywhere you turned, then it just wasn't meant to be, right? But now I don't think that's necessarily true. I think sometimes our hearts lead us in directions that take a lot of hard work. Sometimes obstacles come up over and over again and it doesn't mean that we are supposed to choose another path, it means that we need to overcome them. Sometimes the right way for us is not easy at all. Sometimes when something blocks our path that feels like a stop sign, it's actually an opportunity to carry on. Other times we follow our hearts and it is smooth flowing and easy. But not always. Sometimes following your heart is downright hard and it requires so much more of you.

Last year Jeff made friends with a homeless woman who we saw every week at the Saturday Market. Her name was Barb. To be honest, I completely avoided her. She had three dogs with her and would yell and shout loud cuss words. The angry outbursts were enough to keep me away. We figured she was schizophrenic. Jeff wasn't so easily deterred. I usually feel uneasy and afraid around many homeless people. Maybe that makes me sound bad, I don't know, but I've always felt that way. Jeff, on the other hand, just doesn't get as afraid of people as I do. We've known some grouchy people that I personally stayed away from as much as possible, but Jeff would see beyond the surface act. He was friendly and even with some "hard nuts to crack", he worked on them (sometimes over years) until he got them to laugh. It's one of his gifts I guess. He sees inside people and sometimes he can bring out the best in them. I've seen people transform from defensive, abrasive, and scowling, to smiling and laughing when Jeff got through with them. And I've been amazed quite a few times. So anyways, we always ate our breakfast in the car on the way to the market since we left so early. One day Jeff had some leftover breakfast when we arrived at market. He walked over to Barb (their first encounter) and asked if she would like it. She most definitely did. (I was so glad he had done that, but I certainly wouldn't have wanted to walk over to her.) The next week he hadn't finished all his breakfast and he offered the food to her again. She accepted. Pretty soon it became a weekly ritual. We would pull up. She would be sitting in the same spot. Jeff would bring her over some food. She asked his name one day and then he found out her name was Barb. She told him she was an alcoholic. On Saturdays he never finished his breakfast. He never seemed as hungry on those days. I would smile to myself, knowing that he was saving as much as he could for Barb. A few times, if we traded at farmer's market for a whole flat of strawberries, he would bring Barb a little container of them. I noticed something about her behavior. The more weeks that went by, the less she would yell. Some days she would yell and then Jeff would come over and she would get quiet, calm, and peaceful. She was always so happy to see him. On the rare day that she wasn't there, Jeff would wonder where Barb was. Then there were a few weeks in a row that we didn't see her. We were worried about her. One day another homeless woman was sitting in the same spot and Jeff went over and asked her about Barb. She said that Barb was in the hospital. It didn't look good. We didn't think we'd ever see her again. Every time we pulled up at market and looked at that spot, I would think about her. Sometimes Jeff and I would mention her. Whenever we had leftover food in the morning when we arrived, I would look down at it and remember her. A long time passed. This year we started going to market again. Still no Barb. And then, on Saturday, it was time to pack up our booth for the day. She popped into my head for some reason, but I didn't think anything of it. Then, as we were about to leave, Jeff said to me: "Is that Barb?" There was a car in the way so I couldn't see. He went over to her and sure enough- it was Barb. He gave her two honeysticks, the only food he had with him. She was in a wheelchair, with a hospital gown visible under her layers, in the rain, with her head tilted back and looking barely conscious. She wasn't looking too good. We don't think she is long for this world. I don't know if we will see her the next time we go to market or not. But I'm glad Jeff got to see her Saturday, even if it was for the last time. He got to give her a little more kindness. We get some closure this way, seeing her again. And it was also a dose of reality for me. I spent the day complaining about cramps, chasing a toddler around and trying to keep him from grabbing everything in all the booths, wanting to sit down, and thinking about bills. Barb was struggling with more than I could imagine. Once again, I was given the gift of seeing the bigger picture. 

So, if you are reading this and you are having challenges, maybe just day to day things or maybe a particularly rough patch, you are not alone. We all have challenges, every single one of us, in all different areas of our lives. That's why we're here: to learn and grow. I think the trick is not to take our challenges personally. We haven't failed because we haven't figured something out yet. We're still learning. Every single challenge is an opportunity to create something better in our lives. Challenges let us know when something hasn't been working and give us an opportunity to change it. They can also be very strengthening. Sometimes I have to remind myself: this experience is going to make me stronger. Or wake up in the morning and exclaim: "my future is bright!" When I go through hard things in life, I do my best to look for the opportunities in the challenges. I wonder: what is the lesson in this? How can I grow from this? I have to consciously remind myself to ask these questions. When not feeling particularly grateful, to say: what can I be grateful for right now?

Just remember: you are so much stronger than you know!
And you never know what opportunities will show up....

making & mothering (an interview)

The lovely Sonia, of Stash yarn shop (my favorite yarn shop!) just interviewed me on her blog, in her series called Making & Mothering. It was a fun interview, I enjoyed her questions. You can read it here.

new haircuts & where we're meant to be

My sister and I with our new haircuts, out to eat the night before we left. 

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I always miss my sister, my mom, and my grandma the most right after seeing them. Sometimes it's hard having all of us spread all over the place, but as we return to our homes I know that we are all exactly where we're meant to be. My mom's in Florida, my sister's in Wyoming, my grandma's in Iowa, and I'm in Oregon. Each place suits each one of us at this time. I'm so glad I got to see my mom's world in Florida and she is the best host. My mom and sister made delicious meals, even changing ingredients in recipes to accommodate us. My mom's dog Ole was such a cuddly, fluffy love. The weather was amazing. The beach was bliss. The oranges were divine. But the best part was laughing together, all in one place.

washing the woolens, storing the woolens

Admittedly, I have not been very good about how I store our wool. We have sweaters and hats hanging up, wool socks and gloves in drawers, and wool craft projects laying out. But then, as the weather turned and I was digging in a drawer for some wooly layers, I saw that a handknit hat and a pair of wool gloves had moth holes in them. Uh oh. It was time to change my ways. I starting bringing woolens to the freezer as I could fit them, to kill the moth eggs. Then I'd take that batch out and put another batch in. My wool yarn all got frozen and then safely stored in a plastic bin, I had been too careless about it before.

I ordered some wool wash online. The same day that our wool wash arrived in the mail, we also received a gift in the mail that included the book: Yetsa's Sweater. I read the book to Bracken when we got home from the post office. The timing was perfect because the book talked about a little girl helping her grandmother and mother wash wool to prepare it for spinning. (It's a really sweet book and I like how it shows the process of how a sheep's fleece becomes a sweater.) I got out our Eucalan wool wash and filled the bathtub with tepid water. (I went online to search what exactly tepid meant, I wanted to get the temperature just right.) It was time to wash our woolens. I decided to start with one piece at a time and began with Jeff's favorite cashmere sweater (a lucky thrifted find) that he literally wears all the time. It was dirty and really needed to be washed. We watched the tub fill with soap bubbles and emerged Jeff's sweater in the water. With the spirit of the book with us as we went about washing our wool, we put our hands down in the water, gently squeezing the sweater and swishing it in the soapy water. Bracken thought it was great fun! We let it soak for awhile. And then, we squeezed out all the water we could and hung it up to dry by the woodstove. It looked so clean and new! Bracken was ready to do lots of wool washing, he loved it. We didn't wash all our wool by hand, though. I didn't want to tackle handwashing all our woolens, there were so many to wash. I like to handwash woolens here and there, Bracken really enjoys it, but for doing the majority I decided to use the washing machine. I had never washed wool in the washing machine before (except to purposely felt it.) I was nervous, I didn't want it to accidentally agitate and felt all our wool! I kept my eye on it, filled up the washing machine with water, added the soap and the woolens, and let it soak. (Our washing machine does not keep from agitating if you leave the lid open. I had to wait until the water was full and then turn it off.) After it was done soaking, we turned the dial straight to the spin cycle and it spun the water out. (That particular soap does not get rinsed out, it gives wool a fresh treatment of lanolin.) An entire load of washed woolens! So much easier than washing it by hand (even though that was fun.) Before when I've handwashed wool, I've put a towel underneath our clothes drying rack because no matter how much I try to squeeze out all the water, it drips all over the floor. So I had a towel underneath it again to hang the woolens, but I didn't end up needing it. The spin cycle was a wonderful thing! 

After washing loads and drying them, it was time to store them. I was inspired by Amanda's post where she talked about bringing a cedar chest in her living room to double as a coffee table and a storage space for wool and handknits. What a wonderful idea! We had a cedar chest we were storing extra sheets and bedding in. I cleared it out and brought it in the living room. Jeff had some cedar oil from the woodworking store and suggested oiling it with that. So I oiled the inside with a bit of cedar oil to refresh the smell. Then I folded up our clean woolens and put them inside. What a good feeling! I have much more wool around the house to gather and freeze and wash and store, but at least I have a start. Of course there are sweaters and hats that we wear all the time that are still hanging up, but everything that we are not wearing at the moment will start going in the cedar chest. It's not fun getting moth holes in your woolens, but it gave me the incentive to do something I've known I've needed to do for years: properly store our wool. I want to make some sachets with lavender and fragrant herbs to stick in our cedar chest as well. I have some other ideas I'm working on for repelling moths from wool that I'll share as I try them out. 

Tell me friends, what do you do to protect your wool?